Why we'll never f*** our friends; mixing friendship and play rarely ends well

Photo by Chang Duong on Unsplash

Sometimes the hardest lesson in the lifestyle is learning when not to play. Temptation can look like your cute friend with a wicked smile and a bottle of wine, but experience has taught us that mixing friendship with sex rarely ends well. Here’s why we’ve made one of our golden rules this: we don’t f*** our friends!

Let’s be honest, it could be tempting. Especially if you have attractive, cool friends (which you most certainly do)! You’re close, you trust each other, you have fun together. It’s easy to think, “Why not? We’re adults. We can handle it.”

But here’s the thing: in the lifestyle — or in any open, adventurous relationship — mixing friendship and sex can get messy fast. And we’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that keeping those worlds separate is one of the best ways to protect both your heart and your happiness.

Emotional Entanglement of Mixing Friendship and Play

Sex is such powerful energy. When you share it with someone you already have some level of emotional intimacy with, it creates a new kind of bond, and that bond doesn’t always play nice with friendship. Even with strong communication, feelings shift. Jealousy, guilt and confusion can sneak in like uninvited guests at the afterparty.

When you mix friendship with play, you’re not starting from zero because you already share history, trust, and emotional intimacy. That’s what makes it feel safe at first… but it’s also what makes it dangerous. The problem isn’t just the sex, but the emotional residue. You can’t un-know the way someone looks at you in that moment. And when the energy changes, it can ripple through your friendship group, your relationship, and your own sense of safety. Is that worth it?

When Boundaries Get Blurry

Anyone who enters this lifestyle must have a solid understanding of the importance of rules and boundaries. The lifestyle thrives on rules and boundaries. Consent, clarity, and communication keep it fun. But when you add in friendship, those lines blur. Is that flirty banter still cool? Are they jealous of your other partners? Are you oversharing? What used to feel easy now feels like walking on eggshells.

Billy and Suzy chasing another sunset

When boundaries blur with someone who already knows your secrets, past, and soft spots, emotions can slip past the walls you’ve built. Maybe it’s jealousy you didn’t expect. Maybe it’s attachment that sneaks in after a hot night. Or maybe it’s the subtle shift that happens when one person wants more connection than the other.

Drama Spreads Faster Than Desire

Mutual friends, social circles, and events all become potential gossip fuel if things go sideways. You risk tension in your wider community, weird vibes at parties, and the kind of awkwardness that makes people look away when you walk in the room. Not sexy.

Friends talk. They notice the shift in energy, the inside jokes that suddenly feel a little too flirty, or the tension that lingers after a night out. Before long, people start to take sides, form opinions, or speculate about what’s “really” going on. Even if no one means harm, gossip becomes the currency of discomfort.

The result? What was once an easy, safe group dynamic can start to feel complicated and heavy. Invitations get awkward. Trust erodes. People start editing themselves or avoiding situations where both of you will be present. That collective tension often outlasts the fling itself, leaving behind bruised feelings, fractured friendships, and a social scene that is never quite the same again.

Plus, are you ready to face all of the questions and speculation? Are you ready to be propositioned by friends or acquaintances who hear about your "naughty little secret"?

Protecting your friend group from romantic spillover isn’t about repression but preservation. When you keep the lines between friendship and intimacy clear, you protect the laughter, trust, and connection that made your circle beautiful in the first place.

Find your Freaks in the Right Places

Okay, so you can't f*** your friends. Where do you find the perfect play partners? We’re big believers in finding play partners through intentional, aligned spaces like alternative dating apps, vetted events, or online communities designed for open-minded exploration. Those environments come with built-in understanding: people there get it (well, for the most part. There are plenty who are lurkers and don't actually get it). The real ones are already tuned into consent, communication, and clear boundaries. You don’t have to dance around what you’re looking for or risk making a friend feel uncomfortable.

Billy and I have found success on the alternative dating apps SLS and Feeld, to name a few. Fortunately, there are more alternative dating apps, sites, and events popping up all of the time. Do a quick search on the internet to find folks and events nearby. It's our belief that it is much better to seek play partners through the proper channels rather than soliciting friends and neighbors.

When you proposition someone in your regular social circle, you’re not just taking a personal risk, you’re putting pressure on the friendship itself. Even if they’re open-minded, it can shift the energy of the whole group. In contrast, finding your people in the right spaces means you can play freely and safely, with a clear understanding of what you're there for and without the social hangover. It keeps your friendships pure, your reputation solid, and your pleasure unfiltered.

Keep the Magic (and the Mystery)

Here’s the truth: we adore our friends! We love laughing, dancing, adventuring, and supporting each other. The time we spend together is sacred. And so is our sexual connection with each other. It's our privacy, our heat, our intimacy that belongs only to us! Keeping those spaces separate protects the magic of both.

Keep your friends for laughter. Keep your lovers for fire. When you mix the two, you risk losing both and that’s a price we’re not willing to pay. Let us know your thoughts below!

Love loudly. Play wisely. Stay freaky. ❤️‍🔥